HarLeqUin

Bismillah and peace be upon you.

I did started dis post wif if…but I rewrote it.

I do care. Bout most of the things that resolve my world(sound riak ==)

And at this point, I start to free myself of being so.

I am lack of reading good stuffs recently, so don’t bother at my writing.

And owh, I do plagiarize from movies n others from what ppl say.

Because I have nothing.

At some point, which is critical I do wanted to feel being bad.

Sharing a story;

I did some personality quizzes on facebook.

To my extent of lust and knowledge (lol ), I generally act as a good person.

Since then, ive done so much thinking and personalizing my own self.

Im so much deeply indulge in bad stuffs rather doing good deeds.

Maybe lack of doing it(the good deeds).

How pathetic it would be to haf those kinda feeling, yet agreeing with it.

And then, it snapped. i went haywire.(this writing really irritate me as if im praising myself)

So and so, I really mengamuk tak tentu pasal psl ppl goodness.

What I felt was really a deep, black and stench of self-mocking.

Suddenly, there are lots of hate, and its stacking.

I pondered that all those quizzes result just; as they way I wanted to define it

I got issues about this lol.

Ramadhan pls come fast.( why wait ramadhan lols)

I need the time of forgiveness as too many sins that I’ve done.

God pls help and protect me from doing more sins and those that are unseen.

I want to be decent and honest servant and ricochet always said that im a bad person.

So when it gonna last?

Maybe I see it as a reminder on how insignificant I am.

Urghh…I really need a good read and some fun music to listen to right this instance.

And I do hate you.

I seek forgiveness for that, from you.

And from everybody who reads this.

May we live in Allah’s bless.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

I like reading good intro, cause it’ll indulge oneself into the intrest of reading.

And how was mine, haks.

Really tonne of cool stuffs happened lately, and I obviously dunno where to start @_@

Fuh ~*thinking*

Ohkay then, I wouldn’t like to jump into abrupt conclusion about myself on this post.

Reason:it will affect my writing!hah *happy*

See what just happened?

I just gave an abrupt smile.

Well sumthing would just make me smile occasionally yea, not typical sumthing.

It is just ‘sumthing’.

For instance, watching ppl laughing with those thrill and excitement make me pout-smiling.

And with bigger grin when they smile back at me, even we r no acquaintances.

And those other stuffs that MAKE me smile too.

Just happy sharing mine too.

But monotonously days had past of being a typical student don’t give interesting part to share less.

Meeting ppl really enjoys me, rather than knowing them.

That is the beauty or fun of making friends *lol*

Truthfully, I do not want to be part of their story if can, as saying.

I will die of boredom if so. Well, this is just me.

Reason: I just know too much about me

I don’t know how r my frens r doing, but hopefully they r fine.

People do fine. That’s what I think and feel 

There is a saying: lover can make superb fren but fren can’t make one perfect lover

*nothing in particular bout it, I just wanna mention it*

I was making a point which how personal friendship could be, for somebody to be meant as friend?

Well, they don’t.

It is just O.K to know their particulars or settle the ‘taaruf’(read: well acquainted)

If I would have a lover, it would be someone like kim ah jong in beautiful girl!!

It would be a different kind a story to have someone like her.hah!

She showed that people DON’T change, but just THINK that they have changed.

So what really my frens o family that see me changing, is just time n tide. 

I dunno where to put fiat abarth 500 ss in this post, but there she is!

So, that wrapped all the things considered to be written in this post.

Compared others that are lingering in my head right this instance, I will continue it later.

And this time, I found it is lame having pin-pointed notes to write about.

As if you already know, what it does meant  @.@

See, I easily bored with typical-non-interesting stuff shows that I don’t change, a bit maybe.

But, I like the noted stuffs, keep me in mind thou.

And next post will be about…hermmm…sumthing interesting like bad dreams

See me!

P’s-have a joyful days with those full-loads of sincere smiles. Thanks!

And owh, I almost forget bout this. Quoting jeda:

“the path u choose defines you”

Maybe I’ll write bout this too. And tanx again!

Be thankful and learn to give more.

bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

negativity-extreme skepticism.

i was in bad mood last time upon writing #2.

just as the same now, but a bit better.

not much cheerful as i hoped to be.

its nothing much blissful than spread ur negativity toward others.

whom else that concern rather than pitiful-me.

when i’m engulfed with anger or deprived over sumthing, it is hard for me to manage it.

can’t really think clearly.

yet, there were smiles thou, but not affected much compared to the negativism.

the feeling surely portray a total alien side of mine.slithers with darkness all over.

fault of regret are among the post effects, and then come depression.

and when the smile comes, it outshines the world out of me.

i do tried to ignore it.

as one stands with the saying ignorance is bliss, really up to sumthing actually.

it is difficult to filled urself with forgiveness.

i am not a good writer truthfully.

most of the words are plagiarized based on my readings.

urghh..blank!

———————————————————–

…

…

…

wow, really,  when i read it back, does creeps me a lot.

thou, just same monotonous jotting i found bout my writing.

i can feel the shallowing darkness that surrounds me.

scarry2.

and to my extent of knowledge and feelings as a human, being happy is good!

just noticed!

how on earth could i missed that.

yet again, total obvious.missed,again, the obvious.

as i become aware of, i was really had a deep-scrutiny-thoughts about sumthing i found important as part of myself.

my recent life-to mention.

there’s go the power of concentration!

it made me totally unaware of other logical stuffs around me.

so i come to my senses how small and ill-knowledge i was being.

it just came all of a sudden.

i am blessed so that i can be humbled for being thankful, again.

to whom else-but to Allah.

still, there must be a reason for my madness-angry, not satisfied, solemnity.

and what makes me happy right this instance:

the presence of sumone, which make me lively and vice versa.

thank you for being alive, so that i still know that u are doing fine
she  was lost all of a sudden; without any word-which left me all alone, scared, timid, sad and full of remorse.

but again, it was me who was lost, on the exact way around.

both are just the same with different purposes yet the feeling of having you there at the end really have liven up things around me.

for addition, i wrote some notes so that i wont forget what i am gonna blab about.

these are some that are readily prepared for the next post.

*never give up  on the thing that makes u smile

*lover can make superb fren but fren cant make one perfect lover.

*dont take friendship personal

*kim ah jong-beautiful girl

*sharing-cars fiat abarth 500 esseesse

p/s-i am just an absent-minded person; for sumthing that just dont interest me.

sharing urs might help a lot!

in the name of allah the most gracious and most merciful

do you ever being left alone..anywhere, somewhere?

well i do, and it does make all negative feelings ooze inside me.

hate it.really do.

how negligence can i be, to not noticing the dot on white plain paper?

basically, these notions of expressions on questions really a bad figurative expression on writing.

i remember my bahasa melayu teacher*forgotten the name d* did irked about it.

i am not that good at usage of literature jargon.

yet having these metaphoric expressions really joys me.

i totally am sulking right now.

depriving the word ‘alone’.

but in the end of the day, there will be always somebody there waiting.

i do believe that.

quite many times im in this ruckus.

if there is a word to express it, i am better be dead by joy right now.

at this point, quoting: “guessing is bad”, is basically not practical.

you’d be better to have something rather than nothing.

well, what i do have now is pathetically a true negligence.

which is not helping at all before this.

yet the main story not being told.hehe*smiling*

i will surely continue on this post, but not now.

i need time.to think and to rephrase my words of expressions.

i’m bad at mixing them both.

maybe i’ll train harder to get it worked nicely.

and hey, talking about life full of giving, yeah-looking forward to it.

some friend’s note i found quite interesting

opss…bismillah~

so here goes!

urm…lets get it done

i rest my reasons here not to expulse it metaphorically

• rum8s: zul,jet,farid,faiz.
• ucl 08 finale-MU vs CHELSEA
• dol’s propusk
• stress, futsal and MyR
• girlfriends’ excuses :p
• classes and lectures in stiff cold  0.o
• nagging russians n dean office’s staffs
• visas,sud, and gay perevodchik
• cramp toilet!
• 5 years for domodedovo

KAMPUNG

• livingly soul of parents,yop,ekal,n the twins
• khudri johari
• misses wan back at pilah
• small family arguments
• kambing, ayam, n all home-grown ulams
• ol-folks story teller yet a handsome barber: paralyzed by stroke
• retrieved self n family:all with happy faces
• KLIA-EKSPRESS
• false hope and much promising future!
• present days

it’s been a mixed feelings of experiences.just ‘oppa’ for generalized it.

so, by god’s will i’ll cont this next time.

-end-

dgn nama tuhanku, yg maha pemurah lagi maha pengasih

al-fatihah buat para shuhada’ di bumi palestin.

just to keep update with current situation.

sungguh diri yg sgt lemah ini hnya mmpu realistic n adapt with crisis.

that is what the least i thought of what the palestinians have in mind.

but they are not the same as i am,thou i shud b as strong as them now X)

dah terjatuh baru nak terngadah *betulke phrase ni?*haks

so seemed it is biler namenyer dah manusia, pelupa.

so masing2 berjihadlah ya!

everything that happens ade hikmahnya, yea?

well cuti ni mmg best.byk belajar nu stuffs.

got a new canon d450, tiempo, casio watch.

n adelah sum other stuffs.*tanx soo muc* X)

most ovit are new yers wish lists.really grateful for now.

so it is always time to give.

relentless of this, health kenalah jaga.

i was, am and will craving for ulams this cuti.

food home-made is really fabulous.

balik rumah is soo refreshing.seme org ade, tu la part yg plg bes.

we r planning to go to pangkor b4 CNY.

and sum other plans wif yop, ekal n the twins
most of the time seme dgn family.

last time shopping time new yer pon sensrg je.

plan supposedly wif others shopholic.

tapi gesturenye just skjap je, org xde duit la ni X)

i enjoy watching ppl now, wif differ-fashion-style.

went accidentally to kinokuniya n read sum stuffs;

john grays men fr mars n wmen fr venus, and dr fashion(4get the writer d)

reading broads ur mind, other than traveling.

i am having fun now wif those plus extra additn of the dslr n nu collection of sony atrac mp3’s.

speaking bout music, we really listen to what that pleases us kan?

i just noticed that indon music is a 5-*-rox-meaningful one.haha

and indulge wif p ramlee stuffs wht i fgured out is, the charm of a malay guy, is also dat sopan lah.

russian affected us so muc la,4 those yg study sana or elsewhre.

ppl nwadays susah nak tgkap of what i said.

at times i felt a bit blurred.my pronounciation mayb*sigh*

byk kali jge kne tegur.T______T

later i will just talk a bit n listen more X)

sopan lah tu kan.hikhik

so muc to tell, lately more bout diri sendirilah.

im sharing it here.

life is more meaningful when sharing n giving.haks~

and im enjoying it!! X)

bismillahirrahmanirrahim

maybe it is not a suitable topic for this,but i was concurring on a happy occasion.
reading past posts,it was really typically sounded lukewarm.
i mean,semuanya pasal reminiscences.haks!
so this this,for life which spatutnya rewarding, i’ll set what im going to do in the future.ehem2
saying so because it is the end of the year already lorh.
when i browsed back my post bout my dis yer azam,it was all reminisced back!
so lets see…

Here goes my list;
Education
001: score,and deep understanding of the topic
002: Colloqiums to be done on time and getting zacut on time
003: Graduate medic course with an excellent result
004: Mastering first aid course aka paramedic
005: Understand clearly, able to pick-up Russian phrases and verbs easily
006: Able to speak and write English language in a professional way
007: Enjoy medicine course
008: life-long learning
009: Work smart
010: Take a correspondence course
011: Learn about other cultures
012: futsal for life
013: Getting an educational gf
014: To do sky-diving
015: Master thesaurus
Body and Health
016: Stay healthy
017: always in ablution
018: less sugar n msg in cooking
019: Eat more green vegies
020: control weight
021: no to multi-vitamins
022: no diet-drinks
023: No to fat n cholesterol
024: enjoy futsal wif good frenz

For others - Friends, volunteering, family…
025: Involve in voluntary work during summer
026: Spend more time with family
027: Get to know more relatives that i’v never known they exist
028: Meet virtual friends in reality
029: Send postcards from Moscow at least twice in 6 months
030: Call family as often as twice/thrice a week
031: make them miss me
032: make nu cute-sexy gfs
033: less sweety-dudes
034: Keep in touch with friends I rarely see
035: Being polite

For myself
036: Write a list task needed to be done weekly
037: go out seldom
038: Expert in cooking
039: Concentrate while studying
040: Spend money very wisely
041: Do my summer practical
042: Remember to read Qoran at least once a day
043: hang my clothes
044: wash dishes directly after meals
045: go crazy on musics
046: be less talkative person,n listen more.

Experiences and Challenges
047: Paintballs and rock-climbing
048: Explore countries I haven’t visited
049: On-calls in hospital here
050: Take PADI scuba-diving license
051: Write a blog anytime i want
052: read blogs on my bookmarks
053: Read tafsir n hadis
054: Go through all my clothes and donate the ones not used at all
055: Go to any beach
056: Learn to like laksa
057: Take a nice adequate sleep
058: Visit the place I was born and experience the life there
059: Go to Singapore
060: Having fun at any Moscow
061: Not afraid of heights more
062: enjoying stars in Moscow with super cool gf.
063: Visit my granma
064: manage tyme wisely
065: more caffeine+cream drinking
066: try varieties of malaysian dishes
067: Learn to bake cakes and traditional kuih-muih
068: Go craving foods in morocco
069: Finish purely to hajj.at least umrah
070: Stop staring at cute girls
071: Get organized in everything i do
072: Always update the lecture book on time
073: Try hard to focus on any classes or lectures

Financial
074: Part-time worker when not doing anything
075: Save each month
076: Do monthly budget,do not owe to frenz o anyone

Possessions
077: a super laptop
078: nu cellphone
079: Get evo ix
080: Get latest novels by Grisham
081: less shopping
082: Learn to repair wirings and fixing things around
083: Be cool in outfitting
084: Learn to dance.hell?
085: Nu shoes n a bundle of t-shirts
086: buy a casio hand watch
087: Practice new styles of wearing formal dress codes
088: a nu bookshelf

Creative or Miscellaneous
089: Use creative phrases in journal
090: Learn more proverbs
091: Be wisely active in clubs
092: Be a lil different among crowds
093: a pro-hair dresser
094: Get a massage and a good haircut from pakcik penglipur lara
095: Get new bed
096: Learn gardening
097: Recycle things more often
098: Be realistic about relation with gf
099: Perform more random act of kindness, smile to everyone
100: Finish good Korean movies
101: Able to speak chinese

so many lah..101 needs or shud i say my azam.
but there was time frame on that.ended on 2010 which means i will be 24 at dat time :p
well, i am rereading it now, and im saying this:

-13 is cool!
-15 is way out of my league now T________T
-can be helped on 18
-well, 32 seemd doesnt happen seldomly
-on 46, ive become agud listener nwadays
-48 will be later in my life schedule…with my own money and mayb wif sumone i share my live wif.
-60 was really great this whole year!!!
-63 was a motivation
-i wont do dis.67*sumone shud be baking for me!!*
-sony erricson w350 on 78
-86 was really a bithday wish that never come true dis year
-i shud rather be bother bout 91,pffffttt~
-98 was really a turning point on my view about relationships,thanx to her -more or less, i still got another years ahead(by god’s will to fulfill these dreams of mine)

there were lots of person i met this year,with totally different stories behind all of them.
well, they might be mentioned in my all years’ roundup posts i’ve learned a bunches of cool stuffs regarding life, friendship, relationship, and most of it; myself and looking forward for a fresh ones next year.
wah..terlupe nk mention pasal kawen…haks!
well,as saying this most of my frens r having their wedding day these holiday break.
it really gives me a clear view;cause most of them are girls.
well go figure!
aku pasti datang-bunga citra lestari X)
i was quite rush at some time bout having a firm relation, but well it turnout to be soo well for me!
ah,how well kita merancang but allah yang menentukan semuanya
evo was also on my list and it cost atleast 350k lol
dunno wether i’l be getting my evo or getting married 1st well, ppl changes yea!

i wasnt a type of person that set limit on life, i mean having border n stuffs which really rigid it all.
but prioritize comes first ofc!because i know that i just manage  to plan, and it is all up to Him
so and so, i am enjoying the least of it as i found life is short and really hoping im not alone wif this!haaks~

last words, you out there; in return, pls love me the way i am and not the way you think i wanted to~

yeah,fin.

bismillahirahmanirrahim

the message read:angah…wan da meninggal pkl 1 tadi..fr:mak

innalillahiwainnailaihiraji’un.

sedih,terkejut,duka bercampur baur perasaan aku tika itu.

fon was on silent.ada 3 msg.2 dari kawan dan 1 dari mak.

lps 2 jam br aku amati sedlmnya msg fr mak.

tergerak hati aku lps maghrib tadi nk baca yasin.juga bersungguh aku menangis membacanya.

mungkin mengingatkan pelajaran di klas tadi.

sungguh aku kali ini btul2 mahu kenal erti bersyukur.

ntah knapa aku btul2 letih malam ini.ah, klas midwik mmglah begitu.

sibuk dgn patient dan hospital.

semalam aku terharu melihat nenek rusia ini mengamati cucunya.

hampir biru ksejukan muka si kecil itu menghadapi asma.

aku hampir menangis dibuatnya.didakapkan si kecil itu erat2.sempat aku bertnya mahu mengambil gambar mereka berdua.nenek itu hnya tersenyum mengangguk.

mungkin tiada significantnye,tapi mahu aku ceritakan.

figure pengasihnya seorang nenek yg mencintai si cucu.

berat sungguh perasaan aku hari itu.penat mngkin.

‘angah,jgn pedulikan kata org.yang penting diri kita’.

2 tahun lepas nasihat terakhir wan(baca:nenek) yg masih aku ingat,biarpun masih menahan sebak.

mngkin pulangku ke pilah dapat menggembirakannya 2 tahun dulu.siapa tahu.

wan, angah akn sentiasa berdoa moga ruh wan dimasukkan bersama golongan ahli2 syurga.

pemergian wan membwa kesedihan kpd anak2 mu yg juga antaranya melahirkan cucumu ini.juga angah bersyukur dan gembira dpt menabur jasa buat mu jika tidak di dunia,mdah-mudahan doaku sbg bekalanmu di akhirat kelak.

al-fatihah buat nendaku tersayang.

amin.

nota kaki:

quoting zgurl:

“You don’t realize how much you care about someone until they don’t care about you”.

bismillairrahmanirrahim.

it comes to my senses that  it is true which love is like playing hide and seek.

i really doesnt see it coming.total ignorance of me!

all the pics really symbolize herself.sumbody that really quite secracy X)

evrything comes step by step.

fun and interactive:nu things that i can tell bout her.

i’m in total blank bout what to write now.

in other word:spechless.well, thats love:no logical in it,just emotions.

maybe words cant describe it.read:lol

but just sincere bout it.she really help me a lot though.read:really!

wow…when speaking of life about giving

i really  dun hat any idea wut i’d given to her.

in benificial senses T_________T  dats lame!

mayb i think being a better person is cool,but not gud enuf

haaaihh…just have faith!